A NEW DAWN AND I SAW IT

First night.

An overnight stay was, for me, a necessity after the previous day's timing but I still can't imagine how it could all be done and dusted in one working day and be safe to send someone home early. I think the information emphasis should be reversed and announced as a one night stay with a possibility of going home the same day if all is well. I got knowing winks but they stuck to the script. It wasn't helpful, it was unrealistic and many people travel long distances to attend specialised regional treatment centres. This was not my local General Hospital just down the road. London is not a cheap place to stay in and best to book accommodation in advance. Though the YHA hostel is just across the street.

It was easy to communicate with my wife.

She was being spoken to and getting the messages but I was the patient.

The ward was not in a busy receiving hospital with an emergency responsibility so overnight I was one of just two patients that I knew of. The care was attentive and restful. Mobility was monitored and assisted and bed rest was not imposed. In fact I felt very awake at 3am and watched the moon move slowly over the city, past the red lights of the building site cranes. Below, in the yellow light of the street lamps a fox was searching the rubbish bags in the quiet street below. The window was open and the room was cool. I got up for yet another visit to the toilet, twice in one night! They undid the monitor cables and watched me from a safe distance just to make sure all was well. I felt very good, just a light central headache when I stood up. My tinnitus was now reacting less and there was no wobble. I amused the night nurses by tidying up the many monitoring leads to my bed which had all become tangled. I have done that since first working as a professional, my seniors never allowed tangles of any sort in wires and I still think it looks uncaring if I do it now! 

The dawn came quickly and soon I was in need of a good stretch and some exercise. I had not been in bed long but resting my head to one side all the time reinforced my stiff neck. My mouth was still very dry but the oxygen mask was no longer on. Tea came at 4am as I was up and feeling dry. Real tea in a cup and saucer with a metal spoon! It's the small things that brighten the day along with the early morning sunshine. I had not needed to put my hearing aid in all night because the messages and enquiries were all written down for me deliberately without asking. When I was given paracetamol the nurse clearly mouthed the words to me and I repeated them to show I had understood what was happening. Only then did she hand them over. I noticed my hearing-aid mold didn't fit comfortably in my other ear. My face had swollen on that side by gravity where I was sleeping on it. I didn't need it so left it out to stop my ear getting sore and preventing its use later in the day.

As I only had one ear to rest my glasses on I used a holder attached to the arms and around my large bandage. This kept them securely on my head but the normal lens position of the vari-focals was lop-sided, making visual adjustments by my eyes disorientating until I found the best positional compromise. I just had to be sure not to move my eyes too suddenly because they needed time to adjust. Walking was best done looking ahead not down at my feet for better focusing. I had been given slipper-socks to wear to keep me safe on the hard polished floor. They were very effective and gave me confidence to move around my room.

As this new day was dawning I surveyed the damage. I was pleasantly surprised at how good I was. My neck was still a bit stiff and my mouth dry. I was comfortable until I turned my head to the left but all the rest of me was agreeable. I hooked myself up to the observations machine again (It was so neat and tidy now) writing my notes made my eyes ache and face tense. The tea was very good.

As I sat up to drink my tea I felt a slight prickly sensation precisely on my wound behind my ear, the first time I have been aware of it. My head is squashed inside the tight bandage now that I have been sitting upright for a while. Perhaps my head is swelling. When I lower the head of the bed (not completely flat) it dissipates with my head turned to the side.

My care has been nothing but compassion, dedication and attention from the nurses I have for company tonight. I have been totally deaf since the operation. They have gently got my attention so as not to startle me when dozing or just looking out the window without knowing they have approached me from behind. They have looked straight at me to show it is me they are talking to, stressed and repeated their words which were few and in short sentences for my lip reading. They made sure I understood before moving on. Once they had got to know me and my abilities as well as my disabilities, they wrote important things down for me to be sure of. When it was non-medical and in poor light for lip reading they wrote it down spontaneously and without effort in well practised natural empathy.

I remembered when the surgeon and I talked of doing my 'good ear' (the only one that had any useful hearing) because it might be a safer operation with less likelihood of complications. I was worried then that it would leave me completely deaf for the few weeks until the unit was switched on. I wondered how I would manage with nothing. I have now had to do it anyway for a few hours because I cannot get my hearing aid in comfortably yet on the other side. It is not as bad as I thought it would be but it does show me how much more skill and awareness is needed to function with that level of complete hearing loss. Lip reading alone is not enough, it requires a lot of awareness from everyone you meet to make it work as proper two way communication. Constant alertness is very tiring and mistakes will happen sometimes. Such people, who live their lives like this all the time, have my respect.

It is so easy to not bother and become a hermit!