"Oi! You deaf or summat?"
Not the politest way to speak to someone but it works. If I reacted to every sound I hear as if it was someone talking to me I would look like a nervous wreck. My brain has switched off to save me from confused over stimulation. A normal practise for hearing people as well. I therefore may hear you but not react immediately. The difference is the level of sound at which it registers. Hence, the question above may initially get no reply and so get followed up with a punch in the face! Now that, of course, will get my attention, but not the reply you want.
There are lessons here.
Firstly be polite and patient. Outright aggression distorts the face and removes the chance to lip read, leaving only the basic human response to the primeval signs, which is to run away. Or, if you are unlucky, to fight back!
However, like many insults, the delivery of the words is often done with direct gaze, accentuated diction and a slow deliberate delivery. Then, to complement the aggressor even more, the words are likely to be short, direct and to the point.
We, as deaf people, must do our bit as well. We do not look deaf in the way a blind person may look unseeing. So we get treated as if we can hear but are ignoring you. I have found that first you must overcome the normal desire to deny and hide your problem. Your family may know you but tell your friends and colleagues that you see on a regular basis as well. Advance warning in letters or emails helps with strangers at meetings or important discussions. In groups an early interruption to ask for a repeat of the words with the explanation "I have poor hearing", will set the scene. Better than a loud public pronouncement " Hello, I AM DEAF!" Whether you get the desired action is down to the understanding of others. By wearing a badge in public declaring your disability there will be advanced warning. My lip reading friends have made many comments on how successful this has been for them although some of the reactions have been quite comical!
To communicate successfully, and get an appropriate answer, this is the approach that works better:
Not the politest way to speak to someone but it works. If I reacted to every sound I hear as if it was someone talking to me I would look like a nervous wreck. My brain has switched off to save me from confused over stimulation. A normal practise for hearing people as well. I therefore may hear you but not react immediately. The difference is the level of sound at which it registers. Hence, the question above may initially get no reply and so get followed up with a punch in the face! Now that, of course, will get my attention, but not the reply you want.
There are lessons here.
Firstly be polite and patient. Outright aggression distorts the face and removes the chance to lip read, leaving only the basic human response to the primeval signs, which is to run away. Or, if you are unlucky, to fight back!
However, like many insults, the delivery of the words is often done with direct gaze, accentuated diction and a slow deliberate delivery. Then, to complement the aggressor even more, the words are likely to be short, direct and to the point.
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To communicate successfully, and get an appropriate answer, this is the approach that works better:
Firstly identify your deaf person and get that person's attention. It is very likely they cannot hear from behind or the side. Profound deafness needs great concentration to follow words by various means and this is, therefore, done within a narrow line of sight. Imagine what happens when someone grabs your shoulder from behind. A black eye is not the worst result you could expect.
A polite cough is not enough, try a gentle touch on the forearm. Even when approaching an unknown deaf female this can be acceptable when the initial surprise is followed up with a smile and a lip readable "hello" with immediate withdrawal of the hand. Pulling hair, slapping faces and clubbing won't get you far in modern society.
Calling a person by name is the best initial response. It is something other than words, it is hot-wired to get a reaction. The repeated use of a name is likely to make someone else join in and bring it to our attention. Such as someone we are already speaking to or who knows of our problem.
Moving in front, without obstructing or being too close, gives the deaf person time to assess your intentions. This nonverbal communication is often more finely tuned in deaf people. As you will find in sign language where facial expression is exaggerated for greater effect. They may be more likely to expect you to speak to them and so pause rather than run off. Because, to them, this is an everyday experience.
The deaf person's problem, is missing the start of the sentence which sets up the context. Is it a question? Is it a statement? Is it passing the time of day? Thereafter we are trying to catch up and understand the new words whilst simultaneously trying to work out what was first said to get this context right. By the time a confused face is registered or the sentence ends we have given up. It is much easier to nod and smile so don't be fooled by a happy contented face.
Smiling waiters are a pain! This distorts the lips when lip reading them. Many deaf people lip read without knowing it and a clear face is needed. I have found that, when lipreading fluently, it is like hearing the words said out loud. Even when the voice is silent. When it doesn't work it is all gibberish. There seems to be very little in between. Hence a need for good lighting, no stray hair covering the face and keep your hands down and away from your mouth!
When it comes to what is said, short sentences are best. Long sentences that waffle are tiring. Single words or brief sentences need time to latch onto, so pause for a reaction or a request to repeat it, before moving on. Nodding, smiling or clapping from the receiver does not mean "I have understood exactly what you said and I think you are wonderful!" It is more likely to be only partly correct and a habit to be polite.
Moving in front, without obstructing or being too close, gives the deaf person time to assess your intentions. This nonverbal communication is often more finely tuned in deaf people. As you will find in sign language where facial expression is exaggerated for greater effect. They may be more likely to expect you to speak to them and so pause rather than run off. Because, to them, this is an everyday experience.
The deaf person's problem, is missing the start of the sentence which sets up the context. Is it a question? Is it a statement? Is it passing the time of day? Thereafter we are trying to catch up and understand the new words whilst simultaneously trying to work out what was first said to get this context right. By the time a confused face is registered or the sentence ends we have given up. It is much easier to nod and smile so don't be fooled by a happy contented face.
Smiling waiters are a pain! This distorts the lips when lip reading them. Many deaf people lip read without knowing it and a clear face is needed. I have found that, when lipreading fluently, it is like hearing the words said out loud. Even when the voice is silent. When it doesn't work it is all gibberish. There seems to be very little in between. Hence a need for good lighting, no stray hair covering the face and keep your hands down and away from your mouth!
When it comes to what is said, short sentences are best. Long sentences that waffle are tiring. Single words or brief sentences need time to latch onto, so pause for a reaction or a request to repeat it, before moving on. Nodding, smiling or clapping from the receiver does not mean "I have understood exactly what you said and I think you are wonderful!" It is more likely to be only partly correct and a habit to be polite.
Public places.
Perhaps the most consistent and regular problem is distracting background noise. I think a reaction to this is possibly the first sign a person is hard of hearing. A frequent complainer is likely to be in denial of their hearing problem. Normal hearing has an amazing ability to filter sounds and concentrate on words. The loss of this is irritating and requires a particular environment to make hearing more bearable or even possible. More volume from a hearing aid does not work as it also amplifies all the sounds. Turning it down can be more effective but at the cost of distance. In the very noisiest of situations this can be an advantage as everyone else has to speak louder. The list is endless and cumulative. We may get away with one or two components but become overwhelmed by several combined. A notebook to write down the question or statement may be the only alternative. Electronic variations or smart-phone apps are a good modern alternative.
Some clear examples that affect me are;
- The chatter of multiple conversations. The happier and more expessive my friends are the worse it is.
- Excitable high pitched female voices are particularly difficult. But then, so are some lower male voices that project above everyone else in my hearing range when they are not the people I am trying to listen too.
- Engine noise (in cars, buses or trains), which applies to most public transport.
- Sounds rebounding from hard flooring and walls, especially when combined with high ceilings. This is found in many modern restaurants, museums, theatres and other public buildings. Here the problem can be eased by carpets, soft furnishings, wood and more intimate enclosures. It takes away the grating of chair legs, the hum of conversation elsewhere and hissing coffee-making machines. It is all confounded by the need to be functional for large numbers of people other than me.
- The wind blowing past my hearing-aid microphones when listening outside.
In conclusion, for now, don't talk over each other in groups or interrupt the flow of conversation when it IS working. Trying to establish who, and from where, a voice is coming takes up time and when that is established and the words have been changed again to someone else the conversation is lost. Allow the deaf person to choose their own vantage point to hear from in advance, they will know what works and what doesn't or what is the best compromise.
Otherwise the result is to give up and you just get a nice smile!
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