"The handicap of deafness is not in the ear; it is in the mind."~ Marlee Matlin ~
First impressions
I was so used to seeing things up close to acknowledge their sound and identify them. I ignored all that was not obvious to me. Walking down the hospital corridor I could hear voices but not see people, I could hear footsteps but not see who they belonged to. The place was alive with nobody in it! As I walked past an open office door I could then see who was talking. I listened for the footsteps just to see who would come around the corner. The different clickety-clack of lady's heels, the squeaky trolley wheel and then the open outpatients waiting room where everyone seemed to be talking at once. I had no directional hearing and all was at the same volume level so I could not tell how far away anything was. I was amazed to find I was listening to things several feet away from me as if they were just beside me but ....
What did it sound like?
Everyone, male or female sounded the same. A flat, unemotional, electronic voice with a rhythm that I knew was speech. The other sounds where separate, individual and sharp. A high frequency I was not used to. To explain my previous hearing I would say, if you take away the vowels from written words they can still be read, but if you take out the consonants you are left with just the unintelligible oohs and arrhs. It was the return to these sharp consonants that made the words stand out. Precise beginnings and structured syllables to each word in the sentence. Hearing all the words instead of jumping to the ones I could identify made the talking seem so fast as the words flowed, making it a strain to keep up with them all.
The tone was strange and novel but clearly the processor was finding and emphasising speech patterns. Unfamiliar sounds were less successful. I could hear so much but identify so little. Only when I could see the source could I recognise the sound as my brain interpreted it for me from memory. I could already see where the learning was going to be concentrated.
Coffee break
We had coffee across the road and I sat listening. A woman in the queue on her phone, a couple at the next table discussing plans and everywhere sounds coming and going. I looked for faces to lip read and identify who was speaking but there were no clues. Their mouths stopped and started but the words kept going as if just one voice, from one place. I hope they didn't mind my starring. I could easily speak to my wife because she was next to me and I was expecting her to speak but she was just like all the rest if I looked away.
Language therapy
After returning to the hospital for the therapy session an hour later I sat in that same waiting area. The ventilation unit was no longer audible. I deliberately sat with my back to the door to see if I could hear my name called. I listened to the people approaching, talking, opening doors and asking directions. The most common and obvious sound was the heel clicking of shoes on the hard floor. I couldn't tell where it came from but I knew they were there. Behind me the door opened and closed a few times and then I heard my name. That must have been the biggest grin on my face for many years!
The session was about what sounds I could recognise rather than just hear. Switches clicking, water running, continuous sounds or short repeated sounds. I patiently went through the hoops so easily but inside I wanted to do somersaults. I wanted to explain what I could hear and express now pleased I was. It was hard to contain myself. I just wanted to talk and listen. I now have a diary to keep and records to fill in about what I hear and when I recognise what they are.
Out into the world
We left the hospital and I was searching for sounds to recognise. Only speech was good. The rest needed visual confirmation as I could not locate the direction it was coming from or the individuals speaking. I looked puzzled, confused by what I was hearing, doubting my senses until it was pointed out to me that the person speaking was behind a high reception desk front and on the telephone. Next we were out onto the pavement and there was peace! I didn't hear the police car siren coming but I did hear my wife say it was near and so be prepared for a loud noise. It didn't happen, the background noise of the traffic was being filtered out leaving me with just the words, the car passed just like all the others.
We found a quiet park nearby and sat on the grass in the shade. My wife was talking to me from an unprecedented few feet away whilst unwrapping a noisy paper from her ice-cream, I was sending a text message but didn't need to look up at her to read her lips and stop what I was doing to concentrate on listening. When she said "can you hear that?" I looked up and she had now moved further away, there was a whistling sound coming from somewhere. I must have looked puzzled because she explained it was a bird! I haven't heard a bird sing for more than twenty years. I saw a blackbird on the path but its beak was not moving, I pointed this out and got the reply "No, it's not that one it's up in the tree behind you!" From various parts of the park people were talking, from near and far it all seemed the same. I couldn't understand what was said but I clearly knew that there were people about, sitting on benches or just strolling past. I felt I was one of them, that my little bubble had burst and now I might be able to join in with them.
There seemed to be so much going on in the world and I was looking about like a startled rabbit. There was so much to comprehend, memories to relive and thoughts already for what comes next.
I had been switched on for just two hours and it was only lunch time on the first day of my new life.
No comments:
Post a Comment