SOME OF THE REALITIES OF LIFE AND DEAF

"I hope I inspire people who hear. Hearing people have the ability to remove barriers that prevent deaf people from achieving their dreams."

~  Marlee Matlin  ~

A few years ago I attended to a young lady with a broken arm. I invited her to sit on the treatment couch and undid her bandages. I find it difficult to do two things at once so when I needed to speak to her (and receive her answer) I paused and looked at her face. Then I continued when I had her attention. To many of my female friends this would seem rather slow and inefficient. Why not work, talk and listen all at the same time? For me, of course, I needed to lip read for assistance and to concentrate to be sure of getting the correct understanding of what was said to me. Towards the end of the procedure I noticed we were synchronised in our movements. She looked up at me whenever I looked at her and turned away only when I did. She did not speak unless I was looking at her. She spoke directly to me, with good diction and precise words with a pause between sentences. I could detect her facial expressions of enquiry/question at the end of her words and she nodded or shook her head in tune with her explanations. She was also very expressive with her hand (I had hold of the other, injured one!).  It made my communications with her very easy and comfortable. She was friendly, quietly at ease and happy to talk. Not the kind of reception I usually got from young people in pain or distress.

When I had finished and was about to send her on her way she said to me “How long have you been deaf?” At first I thought she had seen my hearing-aids or recognised my deaf-badge and was just making conversation. Then she told me that she was completely deaf herself and explained to me afterwards (she had very good speech) that she found it comforting to be treated by someone who responded to her disability so well. We both needed the same environment to hear comfortably in and as a result we both had the opportunity to speak and listen with ease to each other. I was merely doing what I would like others to do for me all the time and on this occasion it was recognised for what it was. She had the advantage of hiding her aids under her hair whilst I have long since lost the need to hide mine. But an outward sign of deafness can save a lot of misunderstandings with those who are not able to recognise the signs of hearing loss.

It was when I was not the leader that I suffered most. I found if I did the talking well by giving a good range of dos and don’ts or good advice there would be fewer questions. Of those questions that did get through, they would most likely be short and relevant (in context) making it easier to understand. I could then give an accurate reply. It was the lingering thought, that I would give an answer to a question I had not been asked, that made me most nervous. In the early days I would argue that the words had not been said or I did not remember them but as I realised the problem was with me and my misunderstanding the doubts began to creep in. Even when I got it right the doubts remained causing confusion in my mind and a desire to keep away from having to listen in the first place. Small talk was unbearable as it had no context or aim to latch on to. If I had simply used my disability as an excuse I would have been alright but I was in denial. I wanted to be a normal person who had difficulty hearing sometimes rather than a deaf person who could hear something. It made me look disinterested or distracted which was the complete opposite of the truth. I was not seeking help to understand my feelings it was to get the best hearing from my technology to make me normal. At our regular department meetings I had things I wanted to say and comments to make about the subjects discussed. I had, after all, more than thirty years of experience in the work with a variety of insights to give. But rather than be seen as incapable, unreliable and mishear or give an inappropriate answer I kept quiet. I should have asserted myself rather than give in and stand up and ask them to adjust to me, but I did not and now the opportunity has passed.

This led me on to acquire various accessories to improve on what I had and enable me to take part in the group situations that I found most difficult to keep up with. Frustrations that can lead to avoiding a person based on false impressions are unfortunate but people with a hearing loss must also do their part to avoid being left out by explaining their situation openly. In time the deaf person’s mind set changes and trying harder is too difficult or unrewarding. The desire to just give up is understandable but it is habit forming and progressive in a downward spiral to reclusiveness.

“All the great speakers were bad speakers at first.” 

~   Ralph Waldo Emerson   ~

There is a similarity between what deaf people need from speakers every day and what listeners of all kinds find appealing about them as successful orators. Looking through some advice for public speaking I found these useful parallel tips.

Eye contact.

Divide your eye contact over the room and look your audience in the eye.

It shows the deaf person that you are talking to them.

Smile.

It makes your audience feel comfortable.

This means someone cares and is going to try. Avoid extreme facial expressions that distract from lip reading once contact is made. In sign language this is part of the communication but for those who use words it is not always helpful.

Gesticulate.

With your arms and hands in a natural way for emphasis.

This can elaborate or visualise the words but must not distract, for lip readers the need is to keep their eyes on the face and use peripheral vision for the actions.

Movement.

Use the physical space available and move about.

This is one to avoid for us. We need to see and concentrate.

Participation.

Use open gestures and walk towards people. They tend to participate more when closer to the speaker.

Closeness is what we need most of the time.

Use your vocal range:     

Deeper voices are associated with authority.

Deaf people just find this lower range easier to hear. High frequency hearing loss is very common in the older population.

People prefer rich, smooth and warm voices.

I find the higher pitched female voices particularly difficult. Especially when they are excitable and so more shrill.

Avoid monotone.

Variation of tone helps with discrimination of words.

Vary the speed and use pauses.

The pauses help lip readers to catch up, make sure, interject or be ready to continue.

Varying  the volume gets the audience to listen carefully.

Once we get bored we switch off!

Length of the talk.

Attention drops off after about 18 minutes.

For deaf people this is more like 1 minute if we cannot hear what is being said.

Use images and headlines.

This can be in the form of gestures and acting out expressions.

Use three topics.

What, how and why.

This is about not waffling and keeping to the subject/context.

Allow for interaction.

Use familiar situations in a familiar way.

A need to ask for repeats or clarification is always there.

Body language.

Keep the posture open rather than hunched up.

We need to see the face and any accompanying gestures clearly.

Break the ice.

This connects with the audience and makes them feel comfortable.

Telling others what to expect saves time and avoids misunderstandings.

Know the room.

Be familiar with the place you will speak.

For us this is reversed as we need to choose the best environment to aid our listening. The seating position and most quiet location.

Know the audience.        

Greet them as they arrive because it is easier to speak to friends than strangers.

Introductions and explanations regarding our deafness are needed early or in advance to enable others to approach with understanding from the start if they want to speak to us.

Important parts:

55% is body language, 38% is tone of voice and 7% is the actual words spoken.

Lip reading can only get forty percent or less of the words. The rest is filled in by context and personal knowledge of the subject/topic.

What a pity that acceptance is the last psychological phase of deafness rather the first. To this day the thing I miss most is being involved in a good argument between interested, knowledgeable people around a table, just for the fun of it!