THE BEGINNING OF THE END

“Pigeons are gentle and smart and have complex social relationships. 

Their hearing and vision are both excellent.” 
~  Ingrid Newkirk  ~  

  

Well, that puts me in my place!

For years I had my consultations in the operating theatre changing rooms or hospital corridors. The ENT consultant surgeon who had taken me on in those early days had said even then that there was nothing practical he could do for me to make it stop or slow it down let alone improve. If I needed help for anything I could just ask him. Mostly we just smiled and greeted each other in passing. The nearest thing to a cure I had been given was a short lived trial which involved taking large doses of fluoride daily. I still don’t know how it was supposed to help but who was arguing, someone was trying to help me! That is, until I found out that the fluoride cost about one pound to make a thousand capsules but I had to pay prescription charges of nearer to £3 per hundred.

I am talking about the impact on my work mainly, because at home my lifestyle was close and not very outgoing. My wife (also working) and children had all my attention, I never felt the need to socialise. I had many friends at work but as I saw them so regularly there seemed no need to be with them at other times as well. Perhaps it meant I avoided it subconsciously or just had a good excuse. As long as I had my regular routines and familiar surroundings all was well enough. They knew my little ways and left me alone while I knew what they wanted and gave it to them without them having to ask.

I had been working in the same team with the same people in the same place for twenty five years.This made me safe in the routine and I was now not working alone so the problems went away. Others could help and support me by doing the things I could not. At times I couldn’t even hear the telephone ring and answering it was hopeless anyway. They told me when the fire alarm went off (although I could usually feel the bell ringing) and made sure I reacted accordingly. What else was there to worry about? Once the issue with the phones had been addressed and no one minded, I could concentrate on the one to one contact with my out-patients. It was helped by my having to give the instructions and explanations rather than converse with them. I am sure I must have ignored their questions sometimes, unknowingly, but I never received any complaints. I think perhaps it made me talk too much, as this meant they had to do all the listening instead of me. It was not a conscious decision at the time but on reflection now, I think it may have been a tactic. I had always believed that people would manage better with their injuries if they knew why they were asked to do things. It stopped them making it up for themselves and possibly causing themselves harm in the long run (and me more trouble!). I had the time for them that others could not manage. Hopefully, we all benefitted from it in some way.

Then five years ago, within about six months, I lost the hearing in my right ear completely. It meant I had no directional hearing and I had lost the positional awareness of things going on around me. It took more time to realise someone was talking to me and I kept getting in the way by not hearing things coming. The left one was also bad and I could appreciate how they worked together by filling in their individual parts to make one unit. Even though they were not equal, my ears had complemented each other.  It seemed I had dipped below the horizon and I knew I was on the edge, with no reserve to help me out if things got worse. It was time for a formal out-patients appointment with my ENT Consultant to discuss the matter. His secretary informed me he was about to retire (to the sun and sea of the Mediterranean) and had reduced his working time. His last clinic lists were all full but she would fit me in somewhere.

As cheery as ever, but looking a lot older now, he said the only thing he could do for me was a referral for a cochlear implant and he would hand me over to them for my future needs.

And off he went into the sunset.